A Fleeting Escape

I know two people, Meryl and Seth, who suffers from a common illness. I would like to refer it to as illness because the hostile characteristics exhibited by these two folks I had known for a long time appears to be senile and self-impairing. Bizarre and mystifying to put it in correct terms.

While Seth was a friend of mine since high school, I only came to be in right communication with him when both of us were completing our graduation. Ever since he connected with me through Facebook, after all these years, we were like a regular visit to each other place. I even introduced him to Taichi whom he already knew from one of his Maths classes. Things were looking pretty well. The three of us would be making plans for our future business ventures, visiting every prospect we found lucrative, every individual who could help us illustrate some faith in our start-up. It appeared that the three of us could finally make some major breakthrough into the highly aggressive market in our city. Obviously the idea was naïve, but we knew that what did exist was some hope. We were optimistic about our small approach. Seth was already into a successful paint business, gratefully inherited through his family. Taichi was deterministic and was good with contacts and networking. I was doing my bit on technical fronts and advisory. All was good till one day things went outlandish with Seth. He made sure to seize all contacts from me and Taichi and even made his family into believing to not to attend any phone calls or reply to any texts from the two of us. All this started when our semester exams began. The last time I met Taichi he convinced me to talk to Seth for one last time just for old time sake. He was hoping to unearth the core explanation for this uncanny behaviour of Seth although I was against the idea whole time. As expected the last attempt to make any contacts proved to be futile. He did however pick up the phone, promising to call back but the call never came. We knew that moment what he need to do and so we did exactly what seems to be necessary. Seth was forgotten and no one ever mentioned about him anymore. It was evident from his acts and his lies that he made us to confront to that he was finding the company of those people more satisfying and yielding those who once devised to his very soul.

Meryl came to my life when the chips went down for me. She stood beside me, clinging to her faith in me when I had almost lost myself and I couldn’t foresee a certain future to my academics. I would be calling her the last person on earth who walked up to me when everyone else I considered to be a friend exhibited their true colours and demonstrated the true fabric which shrouded them. She helped me out through every aspects of my mundane existence: from my dilapidated academic records to serving as my personal psychiatrist as well (a trait she inherited from her mother). She liked me and would often tell me that she could see more than just a failed man in me. She would tell me that my strengths and potentials were capable enough to catapult me into a distinct future full of grand opportunities it was just that I never knew. She liked me and so did I was beginning to fall for her. She was the kind of person who could see the insignificant and trifling speck of light even in the darkest of dark corners. She made a hell of a seductive beauty. Not that you get fascinated by the looks but the one that who appreciate and one you that gets you attracted to their intellect. Things were wonderful between us provided with some complications but kind of which could have easily worked out. Until Meryl went a step ahead and started taking control of my personal life. She literally started doubting every single person I knew and was against any idea of mine to forget all the wrongs that these people did to me and still move on with them. She wanted to be vengeful but forgetful as well. She wanted me to retaliate to them but wanted me still do nothing. I knew I couldn’t live like that. I tried explaining her but to no avail. And no matter how much, her intentions seem to be in my favour, they were in fact proving to be detrimental for me. I finally had to let her go, in the end to the point where our ideas and thoughts began to clash regarding the basic survival skills and to secure a socially acceptable life. And since that day I never had any further contact with her.

 Meryl and Seth now appear to be reminiscence of a past. They are nowhere to be spotted. It looks like they have just somehow disappeared from the entire planet somehow. What appears to me is that for Meryl and Seth the idea to disappear is gradual. And while it might be less acknowledging in case of Seth, Meryl made my nerves to put a serious thought about her disappearance. The whole idea to disappear may start with a basic impulse, a desire to disconnect. For many people, it is a fleeting escape. It could mean escaping from the arms of technological progression or retreating under a bunker. Days, months, years can pass. They appear to have somehow slipped through the cracks. And despite the presence of telecom technology and CCTV cameras which makes most of us feel like we are been monitored, it has become easier for these people to live alone any avoid any human contact altogether.

So some people don’t want to be found or to be reached. Masked areas serve to diminish the agitation with few areas of pure colours balancing the dearth of fervour in their lives. I couldn’t figure it out that why would the whole idea of making such a dramatic disappearance grant to these people. And why anyone wants to let go of all that you knew and make a new start. They believe they could start afresh, leaving behind all recollections of their past life without even realising that somewhere the reminders of the life they are trying to escape would still exists as some fragments. And somehow even the strongest of affection and cherished memories becomes the most haunting nightmares for them.

Quests and Faith

I would never consider myself a religious chap but a spiritual one instead. The whole concept of religion and the idea of shallow conventional beliefs of individuals lacking any concept of moral obligation and empathy for a life form and without any essence and aspect of being called as human is empty and unethical.

The whole ridiculous concept of religion may have been created as a guideline to serve for the progression and development of humanity as a society and not as to drown in an unquenchable thrust to slaughter each other by forming your own personal theological beliefs about the “One Creator”. In fact, the religion as a basis to thrive had done more harm to our world than any physical object from the outer space could possibly inflict.

I read a quote, quite sometimes ago which said, “You don’t need a religion to have morals. If you can’t determine right from wrong, then you lack empathy, not religion”.

Sums up pretty much every nonsensical beliefs that almost every individuals on this planet upholds. Doesn’t it?

  Being a devoted follower of science my expertise lies in technical resourcefulness and profound scientific expeditions. And like most of the folks like me I do have question about the one, to whom those religious fanatics calls as the “Creator”. I don’t mean to disrespect the beliefs and doubt the credence of any individual’s views from any religious background but all I mean is that my ideas and my thinking is based on a certain logical and rational terms rather than being just unscientific and superficial constructs. Of course the ideas about the life and death, afterlife and rebirth, heaven and hell do fascinate me as well but I have planted my trust in scientific theories and coherent explanations leading to more profound and much deeper understanding about the hidden complexities and rattling mysteries about ourselves and about that one particular thing we all admire, the creator himself.  And so I like to call myself as “spiritual” rather than “religious”. There runs a viable line between the two terms that separates them from one another. Unlike religion which more or less asks you to follow a given set of predefined instructions and hardly grants you the privilege to question it, spirituality encourages you to asks the question yourself and find the answer to your query yourself rather than looking for it in someone’s else knowledge. It encourages you to seek the true purpose of life and the reason why every speck of light and every molecule that exists in this vast universe is meant to exist and an urge to question who put it there? Being spiritual doesn’t compel you to alter your faith and ideals but absorb and accept and act to everyone else.

I had often wondered and believed in the fact that the development of every mainstream religion and many other pagan beliefs have been diverged from a common locus and more or less each of these sects have a common origin which only got more wide, convoluted, intricate and conflicted with time and distance. It really hasn’t evolved as a source to guide the civilisation into distinct future towards prosperity and continued existence but as an ultimate tool for manipulating and accomplishing dominance over the society as a sole purpose to drive their corrupt will.

Half Litre Runaway and a Bullet-proof Love

There comes a time in your life when you will look over your financial security and interest rates. There comes a time in life when logics and reasons are bogged down by desires and ambitions. There will be a time when  decision made by the brain will be ignored and a glorious heart will speak to you and you know that it is right.

Truth is, until now I never thought persuasion could be such a powerful tool to accomplish what your heart desires the most. And when it happened there was nothing else I could notice. It was just one plain vision which might be narrowed in a sense but broadened my perspective about how I perceive the profound complexities of human character.

Today as I made my way through the doors from RE, I could feel a new air of freedom into the atmosphere. My lungs were dilated with an unknown proud feeling which I had not experienced at such a massive extent until now. The city traffic was no longer pissing me off. I could no longer hear the  daft honking of the vehicles but just a beautiful melody jingling in my ear which was making me go merry and like a person in love I was smiling while I visualised my future days with her. Of course I was in love. I was in love with her since I laid my eyes on her. A love that was so intense, mysterious and deep that could make me flout all her shortcomings and all those exasperating faults of her. A love so strong and so exquisite that could calm my demons and lift me up from the darkest and deepest abyss of callousness. Ishaan was the prime witness of the dramatic events that took place over a week and although he was only a part of that evening he could clearly look through my conscience and to what my eyes reflected that day. Sometimes I feel he is blessed with this remarkable ability to sense the true inward dispositions and an exceptional power to deliver the most brutal sarcasm which blows right across the face of even the most intellectual people on this planet which made him vulnerable to many wraths and has made him a hazardous character. But today even Ishaan was looking quite sentimental and out of his witty humour and sarcastic comebacks.

As we made our way to the parking he was obvious to ask me this question, “What’s wrong?”

“You know, this is a very emotional moment for me.” I retorted. “I feel like I have just come out of some doctor’s clinic after hearing the news of my wife’s pregnancy.”

That was the level of joy and excitement together with a sense of responsibility and faithful duty towards someone pounding in the deepest corner of my heart. And all he did was smile at me, nodding his head in agreement.

She would be the first and only thing in the factiously impeccable history of my family about whom a decision have been made so quick. I knew the only person who would be supporting my choice would be my dad and so did my strategy and diplomatic skills focused towards his financial assistance. The assessment was made. Dad was adamant on his decision in my support and even mom’s strong disagreement could not overrule his nobel words. For the first time in my life, I saw my dad as an ally.  Later that night, after dinner my brother was lost in his own fantasy world when I told him about the auspicious news about my visit to her home to confess my love and my devotion towards her and he was so bloody delighted that we both kept of screaming, “Argo, go fuck yourself. Argo, go fuck yourself” for the whole night. I never knew why my brother and I kept on using that phrase to express our joy even if out of context but maybe because we liked the way it sounds.

The next morning while getting ready for my college my brother walked into my room and I kept on staring at him grinning widely from one corner to another. My brother who just woke up from his dreams and still trying to gather his senses thought I have gone all bonkers and walked away to notify my mom about my loony behaviour at 7 in the morning.

“It’s probably her he is thinking about and smiling like a fool.” I heard my mom saying from the other room.

12^th February around 6 in the evening at the university campus, Ishaan coined a new term for the recent events, “Bullet for my valentine.” Bravo. Impressive yet I hoped if he could have come up with a more elaborative and head-banging reference.

13^th February at 8 in the morning, I had decided last night to skip the college industrial visit which I had already endured last semester and was in no mood to witness again. But now I was at home, with nothing to do, lamenting my decision to stay behind when a text from her home made my day brighter than ever.

“Congrats. Thank you, Mr. Rishi Dubey for booking a Bullet 350 UCE-STD HEAVY CRANK on 13-02-2014. For updates, please contact ARVIND TIWARI. To catch up on Royal Enfield trip stories, visit us at www.royalenfield.com.”

Isn’t this the most enchanting and adorable wake-up call a man can receive.

A room with a view

I know a guy. He lived in a big empty house but still he would remain confined to the walls of his room. The room was small but it was painted in pastel yellow and grey. It was a striking contrast to the colors of rest of the house. The room kept him alive. The room kept him tethered. He felt protected and secure within the walls of his room. Heaps of food packets and mineral water bottles occupied the loft. The drawers were filled with fancy medicines. He had no visitor and would spend his time in front of a blinking computer screen writing random stuff. The room had a small window. The window served as a look out into the outer world for him. He would observe the world through the window and the apparent transformation that had changed the view over all these years. But the window only served only a certain degree of vision and the man couldn’t foresee anything beyond that. Everything else beyond the perspective of window was alien to him.

But the man had a secret. Contrary to the false beliefs, the man would often cross the boundaries of his rooms and walk into the hallway which would lead to a terrace. The terrace was wide and open. There was an old and ruptured wooden chair that lay in the middle of it. The man would occupy the chair and then was lost into a void of empty thoughts. He would stare into a blatant emptiness for hours and still not aware of the course of time. He would then, get up from the old chair, grasp a long breadth and lay down on the floor of terrace. He would look into the bluish skies, watching over the birds fly. He would draw patterns into the dispersing clouds. He loved to hear the chirps of birds on the nearby mango tree or the buzz of a honeybee that would wander over his flowers. He would sometimes close his eyes and let the calm wind flow through his hair.  He watched over the sky as it turned from deep blue to crimson red and orange and finally till the darkness would begin to descend.  The walls of the terrace were too high for him to look beyond them. He knew his options were limited. He had nothing else to do instead of just surviving. He was aware of the fragile circumstances to which he was compelled to withstand. He wanted to escape but was uncertain of his future. He didn’t know where to go. He didn’t know whom to contact. He questioned his identity and his existence now. All this way he tried to remain safe within the proximity of his room, somehow surviving but now he was running out of time as well as resources. He knew there would be no aid coming to his rescue. All that  had to be done has to be decisive actions of himself. But he didn’t know how to survive in the world outside the walls of his room. He now face a grave dilemma: either to live in a false hope that someone would come to his rescue and die in anonymity and solitude or he could gather up his courage and strength and leap over the walls into the outside world where he would gift himself the chances of been discovered and rescued so that he could not only survive but in actual make a life for himself.

*Reality check*

It has been 2 years since the epidemic hit the humanity. The world has lost a majority of population to the deadly virus. Economies have crashed. Governments have fallen. No laws exist anymore. Civilisations are dead. Only a handful survives now. The streets are now flooded with blood and only the dead now walks and packs them. There is no cure. There is no preventative. There is no escape. Confronting with your worst nightmare and surviving are the only available choice.

Thoughful confession

I knew there was something about her from the very first moment I saw her. I knew I am falling for her from the very first moment my eyes set on her. I could say from the memories that I was actually in love with her. Something that makes me wondered if the phrase “love at first sight” indeed works in the same way. It had been almost an year when I first saw her at the local market. Ananya and I were there at a local shop browsing through some music CD’s when she entered. Her perfectly tied pony tail, the grey tank top, blue denims and her glasses with a thick black rectangular frame still serves as a fantasy thought for me. I just couldn’t let go of that appearance from my sight. The way she chewed her gum, the way she expressed her impatience at the shop owner’s lethargy. That attitude and confidence on her face shining within her fair skin.

From the very first moment I realised that she isn’t one of the locals. I knew there was no chance that she could be a native. The way she threw her disgust when the shop owner accidently ignored her and the way she looked at him raising one of her thin eye-brows from behind those specs gave a clear evidence of all that I was assuming. She hailed from Uttrakhand. A girl from the mountains. She had a last name associated with mountain people. I knew the reason behind that serenity on her face and those dark eyes now.

From the very first moment I knew I couldn’t be with her. There was not a trivial doubt about it. I was totally out of her league. There she was a pretty dental student against a guy from a private engineering college. I knew I can never approach her. Plus she was 2 years older than me. I had learned she already was dating somebody else. But even if she was single she would never even care to even put a glance at me.

I was never a guy with great facial characters, neither I had a muscular build, nor I was famous. I was just another face in the crowd, I had an average build and I kept to myself most of the time. I enjoyed my solitary, my laptop and my compact friends circle. i never escaped the realms of rock and metal while she had a thing for soft romantic genre. I watched The Walking Dead and Sherlock while she admired Grey's Anatomy. I was a science fiction geek and always into dark comics while she adorned Disney. The thought of dating her was almost as revolting and absurd as considering oneself to be Robert Plant when you first hold a guitar.

Today I saw her again at the Central. I was with Viraaj. While he was still going through heaps of options to gift his girlfriend I was there standing against the wooden rails observing everything else. I had just turned back when my eyes caught a familiar sight and all those flashbacks from the past sprinted in front of me within a flash. There she was walking past me, in her olive green top and denims. She was wearing the same thick frame black rectangular specs. I kept looking at her awestruck by the chain of events I was witnessing until she finally vanished behind the racks of clothes. The next thing I remember was I had the phone in my hand, eagerly waiting to inform Ananya about this unexpected encounter. He cried at the top of his lungs and double-checked my words. Something had triggered an impulse within him and he told me that he will be finally dropping a mail to her.

I knew he could charm her. He possessed every bit of it and had every trait that could caught her attention which would have otherwise gone absolutely ignored if it had been me. I was cherished by the sight of her face. That dull and monotonous evening would end in a startling view, was never anticipated.

And as I made my way out of the Central, I turned around hoping to see her for one last time before I leave. She was nowhere to be seen. I was upset. Somewhere deep in my heart i was in love with this girl but some part of me was aware that i can never tell her. Logic and Reality were now rendering my thoughts in deep confusion.

I kicked the empty soda can in my way and  looked into the sky. A shooting star streaked right in front of me in that winter night. I took it as a good luck sign and headed back towards home.