Society: A judgemental bitch

Restraining yourself to the society’s standard is as useless as expecting the government to   eliminate the caste based reservation from the country. It’s as pathetic as a Metapod and as disgusting as Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton. You know it is wrong, you know it all along still you strive to endure it out of some unknown fear and in that act you reduce yourself to those nefarious, so called “code of conduct”, felching your dirt at those who literally had nothing to do with your commandment.  But I wonder what makes the society such an impulsive force that it welds the power to influence the lives of almost every individual on the earth. Somehow or the other, accidentally or intentionally almost every living soul is part of some bloody society or a member of some lame establishment that continues to institutionalise the very existence of each of them.  The qualm of this paradigm is such it doesn’t spare even the dead who had been divided and characterised as per the society’s advantages and there isn’t any luxury to be free even in the afterlife. But if it continues to hinder the growth of civilisation what makes us to compel to the society’s standards and their laws? You see the society is just a void which will be denied from every lucrative prospects if it has to exists on it’s own and even if it did that sort of existence would be malevolent if put in perspective of any individual. But it isn’t so. The society exists due to the perseverance of one individual and the misguided faiths of others, the efforts of those swindling bastards who despite wearing the same skin as rest of the people and running the same blood would restrict the free movement of the growth and development. You see people are as blind as a bat in daylight and in this act of their blindness and ignorance they will follow imprudently every irrational decision they are directed with by deeming them as “wise” and “just”. Because it is in the character of most to follow in the words of others and be dictated upon for they lack the will and guts to stand and fight at their own. They seek the refuge into the ills of those individuals who they consider to be above themselves in their pitting self-esteem. It’s this indispensible weakness of the humanity which proves to be a controlling force and guides them towards their own impending doom. There will always be people who just cannot stand the sight of good and who don’t want the world around them to grow on equal grounds to them. They just feel like they have been chosen to direct over the puny lives of rest of the world, while they drive their corrupt will and vestigial schemes born out of their wretched soul. While there are some who are so dead in their own sense of worth that they will never be able to comprehend the fundamental difference between right and wrong but would still follow in the words of others concealing their impotency behind the filth covered veil of loyalty.

  I believe it could be somehow linked to the human psychology that seeks refuge in some pagan beliefs and in some non-existing entity in the times of desperation and despair because their mind is not sharp or matured enough to the point where they can start utilizing logics and reasons over their emotions. In the course of history, the human might have achieved some great triumph and assisted technological advancement but it remains an agonising fact that over the development of main stream civilisation they haven’t be able to achieve the control over their brains and nerves. They are still like a small child who needs to seek up towards their elder to guide them and like a child they rests their entire belief in those elders without even doubting their intentions. It is who guides them, makes them what they are. They are just a failed outcome of each other flaws.

But there is one part of my conscience which forces me into thinking if the entire human race has been stupid and foolish in it’s history. With concrete evidence highlighting the fact that their race had required divine intervention and assistance in every aspect and at every step towards evolution and in hard times it shrinks to the last certainty that the earth is indeed inhabited and dominated by an ignorant and infantile category of organic life forms who reflects no vital signs of ever being called as a admirable race because their progression is like a plague which possess as a great threat to the balance of the universe. However in their desperation to build a castle of dreams by crushing their fellow humans they consider to be inferior, they forget how each of them is nothing but a speck of dust in the perspective of that infinite universe and a location, they call as “Singularity”.

There is no denying the fact that there will always be forces existing in the universe, foul and disparaging in nature which will continue to infect the nubile understanding of the species such as humans. But it is in within one self, they need to discover themselves and their true purpose and free their mind from the shackles of cerebral tyranny and psychological dictatorship that continues to impede them towards an obstinate calamity without any sense of realisation what awaits for them in the near future. Death will consume them all, that is the undisputable truth.

An ode to the Munchkin

All right I’ll be honest on this one. I called dad to confirm what time I should go and fetch “Munchkin” from the dealership. His voice tells me that he is too engaged with his office routines and doesn’t want to be disturbed. But that wasn’t my concern. All I wanted to know that how soon he could handle me the standing amount I need to pay to the pesky sales in-charge who was calling me almost every day since the Bullet arrived. Dad wasn’t convinced enough and told me to wait another day or two to get the delivery.

“I couldn’t handle anymore”, I said to myself and disconnected the call.

“Fuck then, fuck everything else. I don’t want it. Screw you. Screw it. Screw that. If you didn’t want me to get it why didn’t you let me know earlier”, I went around the house shouting and yelling like a maniac on a loose. I thumped back into my room and shut the door tight.

Mom was screaming that I should behave maturely and swear to spank my ass once I opened the door. My uncle on the other hand tried to convince me and was calling for me to open the door. My aunty was trying her clowning techniques from the gallery that faced the window of my room to make me laugh and to cheer me up. But none of that or anything else seems to work. Yeah I was acting stupid. But god damn, I was emotional. I felt my heart crushed. I had waited 2 months to get my Bullet, made calls to the Regional office, fought with the local dealer over the booking issues and literally went around declaring the tool of my independence and my  self- righteousness to almost everyone I had known. And now the people have started asking question about my machine and why is it getting so late. I was running out of excuses to give to these clowns. People go crazy when you declare something fascinating to them but began doubting your intentions once you miss the deadline. In my case, the situation was more than just intense because I had stated about that one thing that stood as a symbol of ultimate liberty and heavenly audacity. The untamed and raw beast which she was that still remains that undisputed queen of every sovereign citizen of Republic Of India and of many other nations. The Royal Enfield Bullet.

Monday went in all dismay and frustration. I didn’t feel like having my dinner. I had made a firm decision in my mind that the next morning I am going to cancel my booking and ask for refunds. And so I slept with this downhearted thought. But over all these years I have learned about myself I knew I was one sly and sham creature and I knew by next morning by anger would subside and I would be back  imploring down on my humble requests to bring her home as soon as Chuck Norris would do. And so did it occurred. Well I tried to pretend that I was still adamant on my decision but the sight of her moving in front of my eyes was making me weak and I could no longer hold on to my juvenile idiocy. I took the money dad had left me the other night in my drawer and called Anshul and Ishaan. What I did expected was a facial series of abuses and some pampering on my ass but it did work out well.

An hour has passed. There she stands outside the glass door, shining in all her glory and draped in her armour. The enormous and a naked beastly engine that appeared to be a seducing character was tempting me to touch her and run my nubile fingers all over and across her hand crafted body.

My dad, his office colleague and my uncle took their leave. Anshul too proceeded towards his home. And now it was just me and Ishaan. I was  reluctant to ride her first as I had never ever owned a motorcycle in my life before and the only one I had ever driven were Ishaan’s Pulsar and my maternal uncle’s TVS Star City. I was just too scared to scratch her body or do anything that may accidentally cause her any hurt so I asked Ishaan to take the rider seat while I was contended from the pillion view. Fuel pump check, kill switch off, downshift to neutral and fire up that engine. A long screech and then the most beautiful thump I ever heard in my entire life. I felt literally like we have just awoken the goddess of war and destruction. And it sang the melody of doom and apocalypse. It was terrifying such colossal and raw power that was waiting to be unleashed from the belly of this monster but there was an ample degree of feministic charm and fierce emotions that allured the two of us towards our destiny. She was a siren in true form and I knew that if we don’t get her all the care and respect she deserves she will cast the most brutal of wraths upon both us.

Downshift to first gear and we experience a slight motion and a heck lot of vibrations like if someone had planted a vibrator into our asses. A huge smile ran across our faces. Upshift to second gear and we were on the road. What seem unbelievable was that we were actually dragging a 190kgs of pure guts and adrenaline and extra packed up horse power down on the most unforgiving roads of India. The way he thumps, the way she moves, the way she drove the attention of mass where ever she went. People making inquires at stops. Ogling at her, some admiring her, pretty girls passing smiles, it was auto-orgasmic. I could feel a tingling feeling in my balls and like something was getting pumped up with the intensity of a turbocharger. And so we drove our way all the way from Chappan to the Residency Area and into the University Campus and then back on the roads. And before even we could realise, we noticed we had already lived 52 kilometres of futile yet the most beautiful moment ever. My mind was asking me to let myself go with her alone on a long drive but some sanity was holding me back from acting all nuts. But then there comes a moment when you finally decide to keep all that good sense at bay, sidelining all your virtues and just do something that is purely stupid and retarded. Not because your brain fathoms you to or your mind compels you to conquer your fears but because for that moment you want to feel the thrill of that one act. For that one moment you want to live and breadth.

And so I did, the same night after having my dinner, I sneaked across the parking area, removed the veil in which she was wrapped and fired up the engine. The next thing I know I dragged her down in the first gear for few yards and finally gained some courage, put it into the second one and I was cruising at 30 on the dark street behind Holkar College. Yes I made a lunatic call and I loved it. 3 days have passed, I have done 150 kilometres on her. Tomorrow I’ll be going to get her some crash guard to protect her perfectly chiselled and seducing body and I will be back on my way. And as the saying goes about her:

“Made like a gun, goes like a bullet”. She and I are making the love I were dreamt about. Me and my  Munchkin.

Drenched in Sadism

It’s Sunday. Almost the end of it. 10.30 in the clock. The media player is playing tracks from “The perks of being a wallflower”. I loved the movie more than anything than the fact that I consider could see a reflection of mine in Charlie’s character. There was a sense of subtly and a kind of truthfulness in that character that would not be appreciated by a lot. But rather be tagged and then hurled around calling it a pussy or a jackass. I don’t blame such folks. The world is just a confused place and most people are just too stupid to comprehend any situation and appreciate the beauty that lay in the bespoken complexities of human nature. So as the playlist continued to play the utterly compassionate form of concealed melodies as I browsed through the countless photographs through facebook of those whom I ever knew celebrating their graduation. I see happy and smiling face. Hands in hands. Throwing each other over the shoulders. Emotional comments and long lasting promises to stay forever in touch.  For that was the moment I was confronted by a austere realism that had me wondering since then. I opened the gallery in my laptop, browsing through hundreds of photographs and realised that there wasn’t even a single photo that I could cherish for a moment. All those pictures of me and my friends in which either I was missing or in which they appeared like someone had just compelled them to put a smile on their face were mocking in absolute wretchedness like it has been some impure form of entertainment to them. I could look at my friends, they appeared happy while I clicked them or when I was missing from the picture but I couldn’t reach for even one that I might look upon in desperation and when I am low to recall those faces and think of all those times we spend together. I look upon those dust gilded memories and wonder whether if it was just a coincidence or an act of ignorance and preservation of self esteem. After all I had taken my place in some of the deepest crevices of human existence where I had no further regards and virtues for any sort of fame and recognition. I am just too contempt with my life. I enjoy my solitary times. I speak only to people I find worth talking to. All I ever ask for is a plain but merry life. But to the contrary I am mocked for my music and movies, made fun of my accent often and called for being an egoist and too much absorbed in himself. Sometimes I wonder writing all this crap makes me look like a sadistic asshole who disdains the joys of small things in life or somehow who is just too blinded by his misery to see the brighter side of it. I don’t know if anyone ever reads my blog or ever find it worth a dime but writing all this gives me an excuse to let it out what I might be holding in my heart otherwise. It relieves me of the agony and mental breakdowns I might witness if I do not express them.  

I wonder how many of the plans people ever make are going to work out. Or if they will ever find a moment to even call each other or send a text once the reality begins to consume them all. Maybe someday they will run into each other. Maybe it will be a formal reunion for them or maybe they will see each other from two distinct corners of some diner, they will recognise each other. They will feel an urge to talk but will hesitate to make a move. And then they will just smile across the distance and walk their separate ways. I don’t know what life holds for anyone in the future but I have a feeling that it’ll end up good. It might not be as you expected it to be but it will be joyful and it will be worth.

In all these years ever since I ended up in college, I have reached to a realisation that I am just an old man trapped in a young man’s body. But of  many things in our life we become, we are infinite.

A Fleeting Escape

I know two people, Meryl and Seth, who suffers from a common illness. I would like to refer it to as illness because the hostile characteristics exhibited by these two folks I had known for a long time appears to be senile and self-impairing. Bizarre and mystifying to put it in correct terms.

While Seth was a friend of mine since high school, I only came to be in right communication with him when both of us were completing our graduation. Ever since he connected with me through Facebook, after all these years, we were like a regular visit to each other place. I even introduced him to Taichi whom he already knew from one of his Maths classes. Things were looking pretty well. The three of us would be making plans for our future business ventures, visiting every prospect we found lucrative, every individual who could help us illustrate some faith in our start-up. It appeared that the three of us could finally make some major breakthrough into the highly aggressive market in our city. Obviously the idea was naïve, but we knew that what did exist was some hope. We were optimistic about our small approach. Seth was already into a successful paint business, gratefully inherited through his family. Taichi was deterministic and was good with contacts and networking. I was doing my bit on technical fronts and advisory. All was good till one day things went outlandish with Seth. He made sure to seize all contacts from me and Taichi and even made his family into believing to not to attend any phone calls or reply to any texts from the two of us. All this started when our semester exams began. The last time I met Taichi he convinced me to talk to Seth for one last time just for old time sake. He was hoping to unearth the core explanation for this uncanny behaviour of Seth although I was against the idea whole time. As expected the last attempt to make any contacts proved to be futile. He did however pick up the phone, promising to call back but the call never came. We knew that moment what he need to do and so we did exactly what seems to be necessary. Seth was forgotten and no one ever mentioned about him anymore. It was evident from his acts and his lies that he made us to confront to that he was finding the company of those people more satisfying and yielding those who once devised to his very soul.

Meryl came to my life when the chips went down for me. She stood beside me, clinging to her faith in me when I had almost lost myself and I couldn’t foresee a certain future to my academics. I would be calling her the last person on earth who walked up to me when everyone else I considered to be a friend exhibited their true colours and demonstrated the true fabric which shrouded them. She helped me out through every aspects of my mundane existence: from my dilapidated academic records to serving as my personal psychiatrist as well (a trait she inherited from her mother). She liked me and would often tell me that she could see more than just a failed man in me. She would tell me that my strengths and potentials were capable enough to catapult me into a distinct future full of grand opportunities it was just that I never knew. She liked me and so did I was beginning to fall for her. She was the kind of person who could see the insignificant and trifling speck of light even in the darkest of dark corners. She made a hell of a seductive beauty. Not that you get fascinated by the looks but the one that who appreciate and one you that gets you attracted to their intellect. Things were wonderful between us provided with some complications but kind of which could have easily worked out. Until Meryl went a step ahead and started taking control of my personal life. She literally started doubting every single person I knew and was against any idea of mine to forget all the wrongs that these people did to me and still move on with them. She wanted to be vengeful but forgetful as well. She wanted me to retaliate to them but wanted me still do nothing. I knew I couldn’t live like that. I tried explaining her but to no avail. And no matter how much, her intentions seem to be in my favour, they were in fact proving to be detrimental for me. I finally had to let her go, in the end to the point where our ideas and thoughts began to clash regarding the basic survival skills and to secure a socially acceptable life. And since that day I never had any further contact with her.

 Meryl and Seth now appear to be reminiscence of a past. They are nowhere to be spotted. It looks like they have just somehow disappeared from the entire planet somehow. What appears to me is that for Meryl and Seth the idea to disappear is gradual. And while it might be less acknowledging in case of Seth, Meryl made my nerves to put a serious thought about her disappearance. The whole idea to disappear may start with a basic impulse, a desire to disconnect. For many people, it is a fleeting escape. It could mean escaping from the arms of technological progression or retreating under a bunker. Days, months, years can pass. They appear to have somehow slipped through the cracks. And despite the presence of telecom technology and CCTV cameras which makes most of us feel like we are been monitored, it has become easier for these people to live alone any avoid any human contact altogether.

So some people don’t want to be found or to be reached. Masked areas serve to diminish the agitation with few areas of pure colours balancing the dearth of fervour in their lives. I couldn’t figure it out that why would the whole idea of making such a dramatic disappearance grant to these people. And why anyone wants to let go of all that you knew and make a new start. They believe they could start afresh, leaving behind all recollections of their past life without even realising that somewhere the reminders of the life they are trying to escape would still exists as some fragments. And somehow even the strongest of affection and cherished memories becomes the most haunting nightmares for them.

Quests and Faith

I would never consider myself a religious chap but a spiritual one instead. The whole concept of religion and the idea of shallow conventional beliefs of individuals lacking any concept of moral obligation and empathy for a life form and without any essence and aspect of being called as human is empty and unethical.

The whole ridiculous concept of religion may have been created as a guideline to serve for the progression and development of humanity as a society and not as to drown in an unquenchable thrust to slaughter each other by forming your own personal theological beliefs about the “One Creator”. In fact, the religion as a basis to thrive had done more harm to our world than any physical object from the outer space could possibly inflict.

I read a quote, quite sometimes ago which said, “You don’t need a religion to have morals. If you can’t determine right from wrong, then you lack empathy, not religion”.

Sums up pretty much every nonsensical beliefs that almost every individuals on this planet upholds. Doesn’t it?

  Being a devoted follower of science my expertise lies in technical resourcefulness and profound scientific expeditions. And like most of the folks like me I do have question about the one, to whom those religious fanatics calls as the “Creator”. I don’t mean to disrespect the beliefs and doubt the credence of any individual’s views from any religious background but all I mean is that my ideas and my thinking is based on a certain logical and rational terms rather than being just unscientific and superficial constructs. Of course the ideas about the life and death, afterlife and rebirth, heaven and hell do fascinate me as well but I have planted my trust in scientific theories and coherent explanations leading to more profound and much deeper understanding about the hidden complexities and rattling mysteries about ourselves and about that one particular thing we all admire, the creator himself.  And so I like to call myself as “spiritual” rather than “religious”. There runs a viable line between the two terms that separates them from one another. Unlike religion which more or less asks you to follow a given set of predefined instructions and hardly grants you the privilege to question it, spirituality encourages you to asks the question yourself and find the answer to your query yourself rather than looking for it in someone’s else knowledge. It encourages you to seek the true purpose of life and the reason why every speck of light and every molecule that exists in this vast universe is meant to exist and an urge to question who put it there? Being spiritual doesn’t compel you to alter your faith and ideals but absorb and accept and act to everyone else.

I had often wondered and believed in the fact that the development of every mainstream religion and many other pagan beliefs have been diverged from a common locus and more or less each of these sects have a common origin which only got more wide, convoluted, intricate and conflicted with time and distance. It really hasn’t evolved as a source to guide the civilisation into distinct future towards prosperity and continued existence but as an ultimate tool for manipulating and accomplishing dominance over the society as a sole purpose to drive their corrupt will.