It is almost the end of November and as the end of another year approaches I grow older by another year. Winter is that time of the year with which I have grown a kind of love-hate relationship by now. I enjoy winter for the kind of thoughtful and deep feeling those winter nights leave me wondering about everything else but me, a certain kind of ecstasy and nostalgia like a cold-breeze which I know will leave my nose running the next morning but I am still drawn by its tenderness. I have been finally graduated, something I was longing for the past 4 years to escape from a hell-hole but I saw I was so badly obsessed with it I could never imagine what I am going to do once finally I am set free and this dilemma now eats me everyday ever since I passed out of my college trying to figure out what I actually want to do with my trifled life. Tonight’s is no exception but for some reasons unknown I do not know why I decided to take some time off from reading political and cultural turmoil and spend some time at the terrace in a cold winter midnight and it’s when I take my place at my newly placed couch at the terrace. I rest my ass down when my eyes fall upon you right across the street. I couldn’t figure out who you are except a shadow walking in the dark making her way on your terrace of your home and doing her rounds from one end to another. And it is when the whole thing begins to play in my mind like a intricate plot of some neo-noir drama. I somehow start to find it amusing as I keep going on, noticing you, thinking about you, trying to somehow make out your characters or imagining your face would look like. I might have seen you a hundred times all these years since you moved in the neighbourhood but I still don’t know who you could be among those many hostel girls you live with. As my eyes keeps following you from one corner to another I began to think of what would it be like if I meet you somehow somewhere, of the things I would say to you, would I even recognise you if we ever met? While you walk in that alluring darkness of the late November I somehow make up my mind to approach you and talk to you the next morning if ever I could recognise you. It’s almost a revolting thought and thrills me what would you look like if I someone happened to be there standing with you just few metres away. My mind shifts to her memories and her beautiful face. May be you look like her. May be I want you to look like her or maybe I don’t want you to look like her. After all she is nothing but a bygone memory and just a relic in my timeline. Yes I do not want you remind me for her because I believe it would be a great injustice I would have done to you so for the sake of both of us it would be wise to come across a new face never that I had ever came across. I believe you are completely unaware of my presence right across the street from you. The cold winter night is dark and beautiful to shroud me just to watch you take those swift walks. Or is it that you could somehow see me from your place, another figure in the dark looking at you but have decided to ignore my presence? And it is when all this thoughts are running sharply across my blunt mind I see the glare of your cell-phone fall upon your face. It is lit blue and reveals a little about your face and for the first time having my concentration disturbed by the lights of your phone I take a look upon the vast and cold night that has veiled over you and me and has somehow tied me to a blurred and ingenious image of you inside me. The stars are twinkling somewhere far in the cosmos, throbbing with grand energy of the nuclear reactions and yet they appear like a speck of shining light, fragile and intricate. I now look back at you again and your face is shining from the screen light exactly as the crescent moon which shines upon us tonight. And then the light goes off and you continue walking just as before but not really. It appears to me as if you are trying to make some gestures and motions in the air and it is then I realise that you are talking to someone on the other side of line. It is when all things begin to make sense to me. A girl walking in the midnight on a terrace alone and doing some random motions as if talking to someone. I feel like I have been betrayed. For the past one hour you and I were locked in the most peculiar form of emotion a man can ever feel, a kind of unusual bond which is naïve but still appears to be promising. I hate it and I hate that my mind has made this conclusion. I no longer feel like watching you anymore and I try to distract myself with anything that I could find around me to see and think about. But my attempts prove to be futile. I just cannot come to the understanding that I leave you alone in this cold- beautiful winter night. Somehow I just wish to spend some more time with you here and even though I know that there is someone else to keep you occupied tonight I will still keep watching you strolling from one end to another because after all, for me you are only a shadow in the dark and it is that shadow only I have fallen in love with.
